The following packet was written by Hayden Hurst, currently affiliated with the quasi-real world. Please direct any comments to [email protected].

Disclaimer - The first Simpsons packet was meant to be a challenging test of Simpsons knowledge. It did, however, exhaust all the easy questions, and I�m now through catering to all you wimps who think that you know the Simpsons because you got a few questions right last time. Read this one at your own risk.

Toss-Ups

1. His last line in his first episode is "Okay, you heard the lady. Why don't you take it outside, all right?" You may remember him better when Bart broke a chair over him. He also has his own Atlasphere. For ten points, name this current boyfriend of Luann�s who also plays Pyro on American Gladiators.

   ANSWER : _CHASE_ (prompt on Pyro_

2. The voice of this character said that if he was going to be animated, he wanted to be blond and handsome. His character also ended up knowing a lot about writing speeches, Marge�s birthday, frauds, phonics, hair styling, and fancy dressing. Harvey Fierstein�s character also remembers to bring an umbrella. For ten points, name Homer�s former personal assistant.

   ANSWER : _KARL_ (prompt on Harvey Fierstein)

3. She has braces, is supposedly a good student, and just moved to Springfield from Phoenix She likes comics such as Bonnie Crane: Girl Attorney, Punkin and Dunkin the Twinkle Twins, and Lil' Kneesocks - and also four-eyed geeks who like Vaseline on toast. This explains why she�s whisked away to a convent by Mr. Stanky after getting her braces examined by Milhouse. For ten points, name Mr. Stanky�s daughter.

   ANSWER : _SAMANTHA_ Stanky (accept Stanky before it�s said)

4. He calls his employees a pack of mangy, cud-chewing, ugly goats, which may explain why he has worker enthusiasm problems at Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant. He�s also a millionaire, - or he was until he lost his baseball bet with Burns. For ten points, name this person who still has his inner ine-haratu-nadzu-leri (ih-nay-ha-rah-too-nahdzoo-lay-ree)

   ANSWER : Aristotle _AMADOPOLOUS_ (ah-mah-dah-poh-luhs)

5. It�s right past Cattle Skull Testing Grounds. Its employees include Mexican med school flunkout turned masseuse Gregory, and its activities include Bungee jumping, kayaking, calligraphy, cigar-making, and hula dancing. Today�s movie selections are Thelma and Louise, The Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggleduck, and The Erotic Awakening Of S. For ten points, name Springfield�s only two-star health spa.

   ANSWER : _RANCHO RELAXO_

6. He�s actually one of eight, although we don�t know which one. He knows that Canada�s position on economic issues can be quite aggressive. Lisa has a poster of him in her room, and dreams of him walking around with his shirt off. For ten points, name this star whose name rhymes with "allegory".

   ANSWER : _COREY_

7. He makes a cameo appearance in "22 Short Films About Springfield", when he sort of stands out in a crowd. He does, however, have his taste - preferring to work to Mancini (man-chee-nee). Then again, he tells anyone who wants to get his attention to "Squeeze the wheeze" and wishes that his costume had a zipper by the fifth inning. For ten points, name this current mascot of the Capital City Capitals.

   ANSWER : Capital City _GOOFBALL_

8. Sensing a clue. Use cleansing. Ugliness acne. Sees unlacing. Nuisance gels. Angus license. Use nice slang. Nice gun sales. Silences a gun. For ten points, these are all anagrams of what person whose letters can also be organized to spell "Genuine Class"?

   ANSWER : _ALEC GUINESS_

9. Uncontrollable Falling Down. Motor-Mouth . Decisiveness. Depression. Insomnia. Indecisiveness. Darting Eyes. Geriatric Profanity Disorder or GPD. Chronic Nagging. This, of course, is why you need Brad Goodman. For ten points, he can help you overcome every problem in what?

   ANSWER : _FEEL-BAD RAINBOW_ (prompt on Brad Goodman)

10. Jasper Johns after he steals Marge�s painting. Mr. Burns after he pulls the plug on Homer. Bart after he takes Kent Brockman�s danish. Snake after he takes Homer�s gun. A sumo wrestler who takes Homer�s pretzel. For ten points, what do all of these characters say next?

    ANSWER : _YOINK_

11. He�s shot in Treehouse of Horror III, which isn�t that surprising considering that he was dead when it happened. Patty references him when saying goodbye to Skinner, and Nelson says that he likes him now after seeing part of the "Bloodening". And of course, Milhouse refers to one of his plays after he loses his girlfriend. For ten points, name this man who is also referenced in the title of "Much Ado About Stuffing".

    ANSWER : William _SHAKESPEARE_

12. Lisa kicks butt! Local gays show their pride. Supervillain seizes the East Coast. Who is Gabbo? Five days �til Gabbo. Gabbo here today! Spinning Newspaper injures printer. For ten points, these are all headlines from what newspaper?

    ANSWER : _SPRINGFIELD SHOPPER_

13. They're about six feet tall and about 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, they�re more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another! For ten points, what is Homer referring to?

    ANSWER : _WOMEN_ :-)

14. He has not attended a snotty boarding school, but he does have a nice smell. He also got dirty in a yard chasing birds, which is why he is not a current cast member. For ten points, name this former member of the Simpsons family who tastes great with butter.

    ANSWER : _PINCHY_

15. For a quick ten points, sing the Wall E. Weasel birthday song.

    ANSWER : _YOU�RE THE BIRTHDAY, YOU�RE THE BIRTHDAY, YOU�RE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL_

16. It�s a shame what school can do. Watching shows like "Gentle Ben". Guessing how much Elvis weighed. Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again! Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac, Coming out of my eight-track. Those were, for ten points, what?

    ANSWER : Those Were _THE DAYS_

17. According to Milhouse�s dad, it used to be a pet store. Its password now, however, is apparently "let me in, you idiot". Once inside, one can find clothing, knicknacks, and even a bomb shelter and an A-bomb designed for beatniks. For ten points, name this store owned by Herman.

    ANSWER : Herman�s _MILITARY ANTIQUES_ (prompt on Herman)

18. Its characters include a spy as well as the president. Homer naturally doesn�t it like it, but perhaps it�s because he missed getting to see Look Who�s Oinking. As such, it�s not surprising that he spoils the ending by saying that the code is the nursery rhyme a man told his daughter. For ten points, name this movie described by a paper as a "taut political thriller".

    ANSWER : _THE STOCKHOLM AFFAIR_

19. He actually knows someone named McGuckett, and thinks that Garfield allusions are pretty funny - sort of strange for someone voiced by R. Lee Emery. Then again, the Smithsonian is going to have his ass on a platter since Bob crashed the Wright Brothers plane. For ten points, name this colonel.

    ANSWER : Colonel Leslie "Hap" _HAPABLAP_

20. It is neither Disney World nor the Springfield School carnival. It does, however, include cock fights, cool tattoos, and lots of booze. As such, it is a perfect respite from Kamp Krusty. For ten points, name the happiest place on Earth.

    ANSWER : _TIJUANA_

21. It includes a copy of "Gee, your pecs look terrific", a football jersey with the number 17, Dr. Nick Riviera�s Gym Set, copies of Bart�s homework , and quite a few paintings by Marge. It is also the residence of Hugo. For ten points, name this room in the Simpson�s house.

    ANSWER : _ATTIC_

22. Some of his friend�s misadventures in a movie are similar to Homer�s chili-induced hallucinations, while Jasper actually resembles him after drinking Garden Blast. For ten points, name this person who was chosen by the children of Springfield Elementary to name their auditorium.

    ANSWER : _BUTTHEAD_

23. He is usually hungry, has no ride, and has never seen the stars. He also does not live in the same neighborhood as Oscar the Grouch, which is why he probably needs a Bigger Brother. Thanks to Homer, he has used a skateboard, learned how to pronounce "learned" (pronounce as learned, not learn-ed), and saw Jerry and Alan the Cowboy. For ten points, name this character that Homer calls Pepsi.

    ANSWER : _PEPE_ (peh-pee)

24. The O.K. Car-Ral. The Springfield Shopper. Goody New Shoes. Red Blazer Realty. Se�or Ding-Dong's Doorbell Fiesta. Springfield Elementary as an employee of Coleco. These locations have all employed him, but not for very long - as he�s usually busy gambling the company payroll or getting audited. For ten points, name this perennial loser.

    ANSWER : _GIL_

25. His first name is Bobby, and he has a miniature basketball hoop and a "Dark Side of the Moon" poster in his office. He also likes hackey sack and used to be the bass player for The Pretenders. He may be able to do neither now, however, since his hip is not made of the best material. For ten points, name this dean of Springfield University who has never been the recipient of a bra bomb.

    ANSWER : _DEAN PETERSON_

Bonuses

1. You may remember that Moe once tried to turn his bar into a restaurant. Answer the following questions about his attempt for the stated number of points.

   A) Name the restaurant for five points
   ANSWER : _UNLE MOE�S FAMILY FEEDBAG_

   B) Name one of the other two suggestions for the name, both made by Homer, for five points
   ANSWER : _CHAIRMAN MOE�S MAGIC WOK_, _MADMAN MOE�S PRESSURE COOKER_

   C) For ten points, what do Rod, Sherri and Terri all order?
   ANSWER : _MILLION DOLLAR BIRTHDAY FRIES_

   D) All of this is started when the Hibberts leave Moe�s. For five points, where does Dr. Hibbert suggest that they go?
   ANSWER : _TEXAS CHEESECAKE DEPOSITORY_

2. I�m disappointed that Season Eleven has focused on guest stars rather than plot development or good jokes. As such, this is a question on guest stars this season. Ten each.
   A) She may indirectly have killed Springfield�s oldest man
   ANSWER : Britney _SPEARS_

   B) He�s a security guard at the Funzo Factory
   ANSWER : Gary _COLEMAN_

   C) He plays Meathook of the Hell�s Satans
   ANSWER : John _GOODMAN_

3. There are seven Duffs at Duff Gardens. Only four are named. You�ll get ten for two, twenty for three, and thirty for all four.

   ANSWER : _TIPSY_, QUEASY_, _SURLY_, REMORSEFUL_

4. When the episode�s ever, the fun may be just beginning. Given the episode name and description, identify the occurrence that takes place during the credits for ten points each. (Moderator - accept similar answers)

   A) "Bart Starr", Bart plays football
   ANSWER : _HOMER CUTS A LARGE NUMBER OF THE CREDITEES_

   B) "A Fish Called Selma", Selma marries Troy McClure
   ANSWER : _REPORT ON TROY�S NEW MOVIE_

   C) 22 Short Films About Springfield
   ANSWER : _PROFESSOR FRINK SINGS HIS THEME SONG_

5. When the Springfield Elementary school auditorium hosts an event, they also usually indicate what event is happening the next night. Given an event being hosted, answer what event is being held the next night for ten points each.

   A) Tonight: Gala Spectacular
   ANSWER : Tomorrow: _ALTERNATE LIFESTYLES SENIOR PROM_ (accept Alternative instead out of kindness)

   B) Tonight : Elementary School Concert - Sold Out
   ANSWER : Tomorrow: _BARBARA STREISAND : TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE_ (prompt on Babs)

   C) Tonight : Championship Hockey
   ANSWER : Tomorrow: _ENTERTAIN YOURSELVES, DAMMIT!_

6. Popular music can be referenced in episodes even if it�s not sung. Answer these questions on such occurrences for ten points each. For example, if I said "Apu references this Elton John hit to EJ himself", you would answer _THE BITCH IS BACK_. If you think this is stupid, write your own packet next time.

   A) Chief Wiggum says this upon busting kids at curfew
   ANSWER : _ACHTUNG, BABY_

   B) Milhouse from Springfield says this after meeting Milhouse from Shelbyville and learning his name
   ANSWER : _WHEN DOVES CRY_

   C) The music store Suicide Notes used to be named after this song.
   ANSWER : _GOOD VIBRATIONS_

7. While not all radio programs can match Howard Stern or Glenn Hollis, Springfield does have its share of radio stations. Name them after one music played for ten, or after part of a slogan for five

   A) 10 - Country music
   5 - Don�t touch that dial, you�ve got on it!

   ANSWER : _KUDD_

   B) 10 - 70s classic rock
   5 - Fossil 103 - classic hits from Abba to Zeppelin!

   ANSWER : K_FSL_

   C) 10 - Super sets of songs about clouds
   5 - Coma - restful easy listening

   ANSWER : W_KOMA_ (accept Coma for 10)

8. Answer these following questions about fake wrestlers who have appeared on the Simpsons for ten points each. Oh wait, they�re all fake - just give me the names of these characters who don�t exist in real life. Oh, wait �

   A) In the episode where the Simpsons go to see Truckasaurus, two wrestlers duke it out on TV. One is the Friendly Russian, while one has his patented coma lock. Name either.
   ANSWER : _RASPUTIN_ and _PROFESSOR WERNER VON BRAWN_

   B) The Investorettes invest in a wrestler from Mexico. Name him.
   ANSWER : _EL BOMBASTICO_

   C) In the episode where Lisa needs braces, Homer watches a Texas Death Match between two competitors. Name either.
   ANSWER : _IRON YUPPIE_ or _DR. HILLBILLY_

9. I have my own theory that the Simpsons are actually from Delaware, based on the fact that the motto "not just any state" refers to the First State. Anyhoo. Answer the following questions about states for ten points each

   A) Selling boys is legal only in Springfield and what state?
   ANSWER : _MISSISSIPPI_

   B) The Kwik-E-Mart is known as what in Ohio?
   ANSWER : _STOP-O-MART_

   C) Leon Komposki, who thought he was Michael Jackson, is a bricklayer from what city in New Jersey?
   ANSWER : _PATERSON_

10. Time for some questions on Treehouse of Horror V

    A) Name the 1947 Glen Ford classic selected by Congress as a replacement for this episode since it was too scary
    ANSWER : _ 200 MILES TO OREGON_

    B) If Burns and Smithers come back and everyone is slaughtered, what does Burns owe Smithers?
    ANSWER : a _COKE_

    C) What is served on Oktoberfest in the last episode?
    ANSWER : _UTERBRATEN_ (prompt on Uter)

11. Since Ally failed miserably, Fox might decide not to spin off the Simpsons. In case they do, answer the questions from the Spin Off Showcase, for ten points each

    A) According to his card, where has Big Daddy been seen?
    ANSWER : _PARADE_ Magazine

    B) How does the Love-Tester rank Moe�s potential date?
    ANSWER : _LOVELORN_

    C) What does Marge think the one thing that�s still pure and good is?
    ANSWER : _CHRISTIAN LOVE_

12. In a true synthesis of my two main college activities, given a student, name the country they were representing at Model UN practice for five points each. You�ll also get five more points if you get all five correct.

    A) Nelson
    ANSWER : _JAPAN_

    B) Sherri and Terri (one country)
    ANSWER : _TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO_

    C) Ralph
    ANSWER : _CANADA_

    D) Milhouse
    ANSWER : _POLAND_

    E) Martin
    ANSWER : _FINLAND_

13. College time! Given the character, name their affiliation with the college or university. Ten points after the first clue, five after the second.

    A) 10 - Superintendent Chalmers attended this place
    5 - Snake played lacrosse here

    ANSWER : _BALL STATE_ University

    B) 10 - Lisa complains that she�ll never be able to pay for this when seeing her college fund
    5 - After a comment by Lisa that she even won�t get in here, Homer becomes incensed

    ANSWER : _VASSAR College

    C) 10 - Lenny and Carl graduated from here
    5 - Richard Nixon is a friend of its mascot

    ANSWER : _SPRINGFIELD A&M_

14. One of Bart�s less shining moments in time was when he caused Springfield to lose the Olympic Games to Shelbyville. Answer the following questions on a 5-10-15 basis.

    5 - Lisa wrote to the president of the IOC to request the Olympics. Who did everyone else in her class write to?
    ANSWER : _BACKSTREET BOYS_

    10 - Name both Homer�s Olympic mascot and Patti and Selma�s for five each.
    ANSWER : _SPRINGY_, the Springfield Spring and _CIGGY_ (Siggy)

    15 - Martin, Milhouse, and Bart are all shown doing various acts of community service as punishment. Name the three chores for five each
    ANSWER : _CLEANING UP OCEAN WASTE_, _ORGANIZING PICKUP BASKETBALL_, _WORKING IN AN OLD FOLK�S HOME_ (Accept equivalents)

15. While each of the Simpsons has great lines, some of the best go to Ralph Wiggum. Complete the line for ten points each.

    A) Oh boy, sleep! That�s where I�m a !
    ANSWER : _VIKING_

    B) That is soooo
    ANSWER : _1991_ (after seeing Bart do the Bartman)

    C) When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a
    ANSWER : _CATERPILLAR_

16. Identify the following actual songs from their use in an episode, five points each.

    A) The National Fatherhood Institute�s hold music
    ANSWER : _CAT�S IN THE CRADLE_, by Harry Chapin

    B) Played during the sabotage of the germ warfare lab in the episode with Homer�s mother
    ANSWER : _ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER_, by The Jimi Hendrix Experience

    C) Sung by Bart right before he says "Gimme three fingers of milk, ma".
    ANSWER : _WITCHCRAFT_, by Ol� Blue Eyes

    D) Homer�s brain sings this during Selma and Troy�s wedding
    ANSWER : _ROCK AND ROLL PART TWO_, by Gary Glitter

    E) Played at the Springfield Elementary School dance
    ANSWER : _I CAN LOVE YOU LIKE THAT_, by All 4 One

    F) Sung by Homer and Marge together on a bicycle
    ANSWER : _RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD_, by B.J. Thomas

17. Since I�m submitting this, there probably should be at least one question with a good "Yuck" in it. Answer the following questions about nudity for ten points each

    A) Homer throws the Talking Krusty down a pit. Right after him, a man throws down naked pictures of whom?
    ANSWER : Whoopi _GOLDBERG_ (Yuck)

    B) While Marge quickly chooses a book on artillery in Books! Books! And Additional Books, Homer picks up a book by whom?
    ANSWER : _MAPLETHORPE_ (and I was just pursuing my interest in � Aagh!)

    C) When Homer dresses as Krusty, Apu tells him that his copy of what magazine just came in?
    ANSWER : _GIGANTIC ASSES_ (Yuck!)

18. Time for another video game question, although I can�t use "My Dinner With Andre" and "tell me more" again. Five points each, five more for all correct

    A) Bart plays this instead of learning karate
    ANSWER : _TOUCH OF DEATH_

    B) It�s featured along with Stickball and Mumbletypeg in an 80s arcade
    ANSWER : _KICK THE CAN_

    C) Marge gives Bart this gift instead of Bonestorm
    ANSWER : _LEE CARVALLO�S PUTTING CHALLENGE_

    D) When Bart loses this one, the guy says "No es bueno" (No ess bway-no) and falls to the ground, after which George Bush says "Winners don�t use drugs" and kicks him a few times
    ANSWER : _PANAMANIAN STRONGMAN_

    E) Its controls include Remorse, Insanity Defense, and Change of Venue
    ANSWER : _ESCAPE FROM DEATH ROW_

19. There are a variety of movies that are submitted to the Springfield Film Festival. Given the person who submitted it, name the movie. Ten points each.

    A) Barney
    ANSWER : _PUKAHONTAS

    B) Bart
    ANSWER : _THE ETERNAL STRUGGLE_

    C) Moe
    ANSWER : _MOE BETTER BLUES_ or _MOE BETTER BOOZE_

20. Troy McClure may never have won an Oscar, but he did do some interesting movies. Given a line of dialogue from the film, name it for ten points each

    A) The Cyclops tore off my clothes!
    ANSWER : _THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF HERCULES_

    B) Heck no, frog. Me and Iron Pants are just getting acquainted.
    ANSWER : _THE MUPPETS GO MEDIEVAL_

    C) There's more than one way to get high, baby.
    ANSWER : _ GOOD-TIME SLIM, UNCLE DOOBIE, AND THE GREAT 'FRISCO FREAK-OUT_

21. If you�re going to go to Springfield, you gotta stay somewhere. Name the following hotels for ten points each.

    A) This is Tim Conway�s hotel, thanks to Fox
    ANSWER : _BUDGET LODGE_

    B) Its marquee includes "Ask about our sheet rental"
    ANSWER : _WORST WESTERN_

    C) It includes a conference center, a Camelot room, a Pharaoh�s chamber with a vibrating sarcophagus, and the ever-erotic utility room
    ANSWER : _APHRODITE INN_

22. Given a lyric from a Lurleen Lumpkin song, name it for ten points each

    A) Sure wish I could say, that I was his,
    ANSWER : _STAND BY YOUR MANAGER_

    B) In this trailer, I get so cold and lonely,
    ANSWER : _BUNK WITH ME TONIGHT_

    C) My average was point double oh eight.
    ANSWER : _BAGGED ME A HOMER_

23. Sports teams are occasional topics on the Simpsons. Then again, so are little baby ducks and Star Wars references. Answer the following questions for ten points each.

    A) What is the name of the hockey team Apu coaches?
    ANSWER : Kwik-E-Mart _GOUGERS_

    B) Ned is thankful for Sweating To The Oldies Volumes One, Two, and Four as well as Little baby ducks and what else?
    ANSWER : _ZIGGY_ comics

    C) At BIMONSCIFICON, the mighty robots of Battlestar Galactica are pitted against the what of Star Wars
    ANSWER : _GAY_ robots

24. Mmmm � food. Answer the following for ten points each

    A) Made by Bart, on the assumption that Skinner likes dog food. Homer gives them their name
    ANSWER : _AMERICA BALLS_

    B) Take cloves, frozen pie crust, and what to make a handy-dandy meal when Marge is gambling?
    ANSWER : _TOM COLLINS MIX_

    C) Nachos Flanders style includes two ingredients. Name �em for five points each
    ANSWER : _CUCUMBERS _ and _COTTAGE CHEESE_

25. Even a total turkey of an episode can be saved by a good blackboard gag. Complete the following ones with the appropriate word or phrase for five points each.

    A) I will not yell during roll call
    ANSWER : _SHE�S DEAD_

    B) I am not the reincarnation of
    ANSWER : _SAMMY DAVIS, JUNIOR_

    C) does not "got back"
    ANSWER : _SHERRI_

    D) are unhealthy for children and other living things
    ANSWER : _WEDGIES_

    E) I will not defame
    ANSWER : _NEW ORLEANS_

    F) don�t bounce
    ANSWER : _GOLDFISH_